To Shop
by T-BOY DUDLEY
Summary: Bubba Ray needs to go Christmas shopping. Jeff helps him out. Kind of boring. Some odd things about Molly and Spike. (Lita, D-Von, and Spike pop up)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own haft the Dudleys I speak of. The other haft I made up. I don't own Jeff or any other WWE Stars. I don't own most of the stores. The others I made up. I really hate writing this thing.

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To Shop By T-Boy

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Bubba Ray Dudley was sitting at a table in the cafeteria writing down something when Jeff hardy plopped down beside him.

Jeff: What yah, doing?

Bubba: Making a shopping list.

Jeff: Shopping list? For What?

Bubba: *Sigh* Christmas. I've got to make sure I get EVERYONE something. That's Friends, Family, and Others. How dose Santa do it?

Jeff: That's why he takes up a whole year. Hay, maybe I can help you out. 

Bubba: I don't think so. I mean you don't even know most of my family, and their the ones really taking up space on the list. 

Jeff: Well…We could go shopping together! 

Bubba: *Look of Terror*

Jeff: Come on. I can help find things you already got down on your list and I'll get to do my shopping at the same time.

Bubba: I don't know. It's….

Jeff: Well go tomarrow. Just meet me at your car at 10:30. Well got to go.

Jeff hopes up and heads tords the locker room. Bubba shakes his head and goes back to work on his list.

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9:30am, Dudley Boyz hotel room.

-Beep Beep Beep- Bubba's alarm clock goes off. Bubba haft asleep tries to turn it off. D-Von lefts his head from his pillow. Spike looks back tords the beds. He had been up for sometime now. Bubba gets the alarm to turn off, and lazily walks to his bag, gets his clothes and head for the shower. It's 10:10 when he exit's the bathroom.

Spike: Why you up so early? It's a off day.

Bubba: Going Shopping.

Spike: Shopping?

Bubba: Yeah, for Christmas. 

Spike: Anyone going with you?

Bubba: Yeah…Jeff.

Spike:…Good luck.

Bubba: Yeah, Yeah.

Bubba graved his list of people, and a apple to eat on his way to his car. By the time he got there Jeff was already leaning up on his car. 

Jeff: You ready?

Bubba: Yeah, let's get this done with.

They get into Bubba's car and drive off to the Mall.

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	2. Chapter 2

Our two great shoppers head forth to the mall the last time we left them. We now join them in the entrance of the mall.

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Jeff: Ok who's first on your list.

Bubba: Spike and D-Von

Jeff: Good thinking get the easy people out of the way.

Bubba: Uh…I wasn't really sure what to get either of them. 

Jeff: Well let's see. Spike is the quite on and seems to staying the background….How about a book?

Bubba: A book? 

Jeff: Well it's a start. How about a pet?

Bubba: I'm not buying him A fuck'n pet.

Jeff: How about a fake one…you know a robot pet? Well go to the Toy Store!

Bubba:…Why not . I'll get my nieces and nephews something too, plus a few cusions.

Jeff: That's the sprit!

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The Toy Store-K. B. Toys

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Bubba grabs a cart, knowing he'll be needing it.

Jeff: Bubba let's get Spike's pet first.

Bubba: Fine.

They walk over to all the robot pets. There are dogs, cats, turtles, birds, and lizards. In different shape and Colors.

Bubba: Hum…Spike would either want a dog or lizard.

Jeff; Your gonna want to get him the more active of the two, so how about the dog.

Bubba: Yeah….That's perfect for him. That little one with the spot.

Jeff: Spike and Spot. Sounds good to me.

Jeff put the box with "Spot" in the cart. Bubba is looking at his list.

Jeff: Let me see.

Bubba: I put all the kids on this sheet right here.

Bubba hands him the paper and Jeff looks at it.

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Name | Age | Boy/Girl | Who's Kid/Cusions

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Shags 22 Boy Dudley

Scrappy 18 Boy " "

Daffany 16 Girl " "

Trip 7 Boy " "

Stud 18 Boy Big Dick

Star 15 Girl " "

Rose 13 Girl " "

Drill 10 Boy " "

Pete 8 Boy " "

High Step 16 Boy D.W.

Sun Rise 14 Girl " "

Cho 12 Boy " "

Jagged 15 Boy PS

Voice 13 Girl " "

Jerry 11 Boy " "

Clip 14 Boy Sign Guy

Buzz 12 Boy " "

Mimi 10 Girl " "

Ice 12 Boy Chubby

Sprinkle 9 Girl " "

Chad 6 Boy " "

Rock 6 Boy Scott Snot

Dime 5 Girl " "

Lee Day 14 Boy Cousin

Play Jay 12 Boy " "

Pay May 11 Girl " "

Pee Jay 9 Boy " "

Kate Ray 4 Girl " "

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Jeff: Right….18 boys and 10 girls, but only 8 of them probley will want toys.

Bubba: Ha! No Dudley ever quits wanting toys till there 14 and still after that. I mean we just bought Spike a damn toy.

Jeff: That's different. So we have to buy 18 toys. 

Bubba: Right, Let's get the boys done first.

Jeff: Cool.

They walk over to were more of the buy toys are and Bubba sees a The gun games.

Jeff: Guns?

Bubba: Well we are red neckish.

Jeff: True. Lazar Tag!

Bubba: They might like that. I'll get 3 sets. 

Jeff: 15 more to go!

Bubba: Get stuff that want hurt when they knock the hell out of each other.

Jeff: Plastic or plastic….Hummm. Plastic.

Bubba: Oh race cars those will do for them too. I'll get 5 of those.

Jeff: For the rest how about these action figers and Hot Wheel Cars?

Bubba: That's a great idea. Know for the challenge. Getting the girls something, I'm think just dolls, but you've got to get stuff to go with them.

Jeff: Don't worry. Let's get the kind of older ones Barbie and then the young Baby Dolls.

Bubba: Fine you grab the Baby Dolls get three and I'll get Barbie, the only thing more plastic the Briteny Spears and Stephanie.

Jeff: He, right.

Bubba walked over to the Babies and found he really wished he had taken the Baby Dolls instead. Jeff picked up the dolls. One could use the bathroom, on could crawl and walk, and one could ride a bike.

Jeff: Well I've found three dolls and they all can do something. They should do.

Jeff grabbed the boxes and headed for the cart. Then he precede to were Bubba stood, almost looking confused.

Jeff: What's up?

Bubba: Did you know this slut has everything under the sun made for her?

Jeff: So I've heard. 

Bubba: What do I get to go with the ones I've picked out?

Jeff: Well let's see. Vet Doctor Barbie, Flight Attendant Barbie, and School Girl Skipper. Get the Vet hospital, the airplane, and the school, set. Wow Barbie has a Hair Dye Salon.

Bubba: ….I'm not surprise you would find that. Well That's all from here. Let's get the hall out of this place.

Jeff: Kay.

  
So the two go up to the counter and the teenage girl rings up the prices.

Teenage Girl: That'll be $550.97.

Bubba gets a look of I'm paying to much for this shit look and hands her $600. After paying the to men lug there heave cart back out to the car.

Bubba: Like hell if I'm lugging this stuff around all day. 

Jeff: See that wasn't hard. Who's next on your list?

Bubba: I've still got to get D-Von something, and My other Brothers too. Plus my sisters, Uncles, Aunt, Dad, Mom, Step Mothers, Step cousins and my older nieces and nephews stuff.

Jeff: Well let's go back in there and get to work. Well do all the shopping for the males first.

Bubba: Thank God. Let's go. 


	3. Chapter 3

So back into the mall they went and they walked. Bubba tried to focus on one of his male sibs and ended up in a Electronics and Music store.

Jeff: We can really get a lot of gifts here.

Bubba: Dudley, D.W., P.S., Sign Guy. Chubby, D-Von, Snot, and Snerd. Plus 7 male kids. 

Jeff: And the Females?

Bubba: Missy, Candy, Spice, Storm, Pepper, Duchess, T-Boy, Pinkie, Sue and Lady. Plus 3 more kids.

Jeff: Plus your outer family and all the parents and Aunt and Uncles….How do you keep up them all?

Bubba: We made a website. Before that we kept in touch through letters.

Jeff: I could not do that. I barely can keep up with my Brothers.

Bubba and Jeff walked around looking at this and that. Then Jeff walks off and Bubba keeps picking at CD players and other toys. Jeff had wondered over to the counter were another young female stood. 

Girl at the counter (GAC): Can I help you?

Jeff: Yah, what's popular with the girls ages 14 to 16?

GAC: Oh, well depends on the type of music.

Jeff: Alterative Music.

GAC: Linkin Park is always a good beat. I also noticed the Fuel and Green Day CDs are selling well.

Jeff: Many thanks dear.

GAC: It's my job.

Jeff walks off and picks up the Cds before, finding Bubba with a new cart full.

Jeff: What's all this.

Bubba: *Inhale* The TV and DVD player is for Snot, The laptops are for Sign Guy and Chubby, the CD Players are for all the older kids, the Guitar Stuff is for Dudley, the Computer programs are for Snerd, and I got the piano stuff because it was on sale, for me.

Jeff: Piano?….Anyway I asked the chick at the counter what was hot with the girls and got these CDs. I also picked Matt up the New Pearl Jam CD.

Bubba: Thanks. I'm getting hungry, so let's buy this stuff, take it to the car, and get something to eat.

Jeff: Fine with me.

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Jeff laughed as walked back into the mall and to the food court.

Bubba: I don't see what's so funny.

Jeff: You mumbling about how much you spent.

Bubba: You would be too if had just spent $1,330. Then add up the amount spent before, that's $550.97. So that adds up to, about $1, 880. Your buying lunch.

Jeff: Fine. You go sit down and I'll get in line. What you want?

Bubba: Just a regular burger.

Jeff: Kay.

Jeff got there food and soon retuned. Bubba didn't even notice, because he was going through his list.

Jeff: Take a brake. I mean you don't have to get it all in one day now.

Bubba: Yes I do. I rather ship all the presents at one time, so it want cost as much.

Jeff: Oh…Well eat up.

Bubba: I am mommy.

Jeff: That's a good boy. If you eat everything, I'll let you stay up late tonight.

Bubba: *Shacks head and takes a bite of his burger and swallows* I'm gonna be broke. 

Jeff: you and everyone else in the country.

Bubba: No really, I'm gonna have to start to charge everything.

Jeff: …I'm not gonna say anything, but really how more people do you have left to buy for?

Bubba: Out of family, or Friends?

Jeff: Family.

Bubba: 7 uncles, 3 Aunts, 13 Sibs, 5 inner Cousins, 10 Outer Cousins, Dad, 21 Moms, and Sign Guys wife.

Jeff: 21 mothers? 

Bubba: 21 Mothers. I'll shop for Spike's, D-Vons, and Mine last.

Jeff: I think I should've called Lita.

Bubba: She would've been useful.

Jeff: Want to call her?

Bubba: Nah, we got this covered. 

Jeff: So were to now?

Bubba: Gonna get Uncles Bobby Ray, Rob hay, Joe Jay, Aunt Patty May, Sisters Storm, Pepper, Lady, Brother D.W, P.S., Inner Cousin Bobby Ray JR, Rob Hay JR, Joe Jay JR, Outer cousins Pete Jay, Ken Ray, Fred Bring, Mal, Bob H, and Crash H; all something from the outdoor hunting sports store.

Jeff:….Did you say Bob H, and Crash H?

Bubba: Yeah.

Jeff: As in Bob " Hardcore" Holly and Crash Holly?

Bubba:…Yeah.

Jeff: Your related?

Bubba: Yep.

Jeff: Just how?

Bubba: Through Spike's mom.

Jeff: Spike's Mom?

Bubba: Dolly Holly.

Jeff:…So is this why You and D-Von…

Bubba: Broke up Spike and Molly? Somewhat. Incest really isn't a big thing in the family. It's more or less, we just didn't want those two together. Maybe Spike and Lady…..What?

Jeff: Your talking about hooking your brother up with your sister.

Bubba: Sorry man, just how the family goes.

Jeff: Right, um let's get to that Hunting Sports Store.

Jeff runs ahead of Bubba, who is slightly amused that he has put the boy on edge, just talking about his family. Bubba enters and sees Jeff looking at the fishing gear.

Bubba: Fishing gears a good place to start.

Jeff: Yeah, hay um sorry about taking off like that.

Bubba: Happens all the time.

Jeff: Quick question. Dose Molly and Spike know?

Bubba: Yeah, Bob made us tell them.

Jeff: Oh, so what you think about these tackle boxes?

Bubba: Looks good enough to buy a few. Grab 11 of them.

Jeff: Right.

As Jeff puts the tackle boxes in the cart, Bubba has made his way over to the knifes. 

Bubba: Hum…

Guy at the Counter (GC): Can I help you?

Bubba: Yeah, Let me see that double headed dragger.

GC: Here you go sir.

Bubba looks at very carefully.

Bubba: I'll take this one and that Snake Dager.

GC: Are you done looking around, or would you like me to hold in tell your done?

Bubba: Well All I need is get is five RT8 Ranger Rifle Scoops.

CG: Well Sure we have two types of them. The Far rang and short rang.

Bubba: I'll be taking the long rang.

CG: Right.

Jeff walks up with a few things in his arms.

Jeff: My Brothers will love this stuff. 

Bubba: You know it.

CG: Is this all sir?

Bubba: I've got 11 of these tackle boxes.

CG: Let me guess Large Family.

Bubba: On the money.

CG: Well your total is…$750. I didn't add the tackle boxes.

Bubba: Hay thanks.

CG: Yeah I know what your going through.

Bubba: Hay Jeff, I'll be taking this to the car.

Jeff: I'll be there.

Jeff came out to the car and saw Bubba was not there. He saw that Bubba had put his stuff in the now full car and since he had told Bubba that he was coming out here, Bubba must of went to the bathroom or something. Just as that thought hit his mind, he saw Bubba carrying some cardboard and wrapping paper.

Jeff: What's this?

Bubba: We got to go back to the hotel, since the car is full. I figer we'll take everything to your room, and wrap in up. Then we can take and come back here. 

Jeff: Why my room?

Bubba: D-Von has a thing about going through every little gift, and gets mad if he finds nothing for him.

Jeff: Oh, so to the hotel.

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And so they got in the stuffed car and drove off.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Bubba parked the car, Jeff jumped out and run in. Bubba just sighed and shock his head. He really did hate the hassle of shopping for the whole family. Jeff's voice broke him from his thought. He saw Jeff had gotten one of those bag carrier carts.

Bubba: Good thinking man. Here help put all the boxes on here. And then the bags.

Well they loaded the cart to its full and Bubba began to push. Jeff had what ever could fit on the cart in his arms. As they entered the hotel and headed to the elevator Lita walked up.

Lita: WOW that's a lot of stuff.

Bubba: It cost about the same too. 

Jeff: Hay Lita if your going up to our floor, grab something here.

Lita: Ok.

So Lita, Jeff, and Bubba all loaded into the elevator and headed to Jeff's room.

Lita: So are you done shopping?

Bubba: I wished.

Lita: How much more do you have to go?

Bubba: I'll tell you when we get in the room.

Lita: Ok.

When they got into Jeff's room, Bubba had felt as he was gonna die.

Bubba: Damn things are heavy.

Lita: I could only imagine.

Jeff: Yeah.

Bubba: Ok Lita, you've got the boxes and wrapping paper, so set up the boxes and put the wrapping paper to the side for now. Jeff take you stuff and put it by your bed. I'll start to get this stuff grouped.

Lita: Fine by me.

So Bubba grouped everything together as Lita set the boxes up and Jeff moved his stuff. Then Lita decides to take over. 

Lita: Ok, to keep this in order. Bubba, you take the name tags and fill them out. Then Jeff and I will Wrap them, and I'll put them in there box. 

Bubba: Great…TV first?

Jeff: Sure

Lita: It's for?

Jeff: Snot right?

Bubba: Got it and so is the DVD player.

Lita: He's your?

Bubba: Brother.

Jeff: This is gonna tale a while and the mall will be closing soon.

Lita: I know, since you got more shopping to do, I'll wrap this stuff up if you do me up a quick list.

Jeff: Are you sure?

Lita: I'm not doing anything, so it's fine. I mean I've been walking around the hotel all day.

Bubba: Great idea, you've seen Spike or D-Von?

Lita: They went to the movies about 15 minutes before I ran into you.

Jeff: Well at less they'll be out of the way.

Bubba: Yeah, but we've got to get going.

So Bubba leaves Lita a list with everything she need and the two men returned to the mall.


	5. Chapter 5

Bubba: Jeff we're getting short on time, so lission up. I need you run over there to the Bath and Beauty Shop and get 18 different objects. I'm gonna go into Hobby Shop and picking up stuff. Here's some money. Meet right here as soon as your done.

Jeff: Why do I have to go in there?

Bubba: Because you look like a guy who would by stuff for a girl.

Jeff: So do you.

Bubba: I really don't want to say what happen last time I went into a store like that, so just go.

Jeff: Fine, but I want to hear this story one day.

Bubba: We'll see.

So Jeff and Bubba Split up. Jeff to the Bath and Beauty and Bubba to the Hobby Shop. Bubba walked into the hobby shop and straight to the model cars.

Bubba: *In Thought* This will be easy. Uncle John Jay likes model cars, so Dose Uncle Jimmy Ray. I'll get John this Classic T-Bird in red and Jimmy the ford truck in purple.

Bubba graved the boxes and walked on in search of the air planes. Jeff was looking around at everything when this lady walked up to him.

The Lady (TL): May I help you?

Jeff: Yes, I need 18 different gifts.

TL: 18, well come over here. This is were we have some of the best gift baskets . Each one with a different set of items. These should help with your needs.

Jeff: Yes, they'll do fine.

TL: Let me help you bring them to the counter.

Jeff: Why thank you.

As Jeff walked out with the gifts he saw Bubba sitting down on a bench going over his list.

Jeff: Finished. Spent $77, here's you change.

Bubba: Thanks. We spent $205. That's the less we spent so far.

Jeff: Who's left?

Bubba: Two Sisters, D-Von, 14 Moms, and Dad. I also, just noticed I forgot Grandma and Grandpa Dudley.

Jeff: Great. Are you still gonna shop for you friends?

Bubba: I've picked up a few things here and there, if you haven't noticed. So don't worry about them.

Jeff: So, what do you need me to go get?

Bubba: Something For my Grand parents in that Department store. I've got to go pick my Older Sister out an outfit. She'll kill me if I don't buy her clothes. Also try to pick up stuff for my moms.

Jeff: On it.

As Jeff went through the Department store, picking up stuff he hoped would satisfy the Dudley's, he noticed a few things for his family too. Bubba was bissy buying the new styles for his sister, and a few mothers. Finally Jeff and Bubba meet up again.

Jeff: This is getting boring.

Bubba: I know. You can take this stuff to the car. All I've got to get is D-Von, T-Boy, Dad, and 3 Moms, something.

Jeff: Ok, Not to be mean, but I'll never do this again.

Bubba: I understand.

Jeff walked off to the car with the last cart of gifts, and Bubba headed to the Jeweler's. He walked in and started to look around. It didn't take long to see what he wonted to buy. 

Bubba: Excuse me. Could I see that watch?

Jeweler: Oh, Yes. Here you go sir.

Bubba: Hum…How much dose it cost to get this engraved?

Jeweler: Every letter is $2.50.

Bubba: Right. I'll be buying two of these and having them engraved.

Jeweler: Right, is that all?

Bubba: No, I'll be getting one of each of those pendants engraved and that dimand ring.

Jeweler: Ok ,sir. Could you please write down what you want engraved and on what peace.

Bubba begins to write down what he wants on each peaces and then hands the paper to the Jeweler. The Jeweler then begins to total up the cost.

Jeweler: That'll be $917.

Bubba Paid the Jeweler.

Jeweler: You peaces will be done in ten minutes. Here's you recite.

Bubba decide to walk around for the ten minutes. Then he returned and picked up his peaces. He finally got back to the car to see Jeff had fallen asleep. He decided not to wake him till they got to the hotel.

Bubba: Jeff get up.

Jeff: Huh? Is it time to go?

Bubba: We're already back at the hotel. I let you sleep.

Jeff: Oh what took you so long?

Bubba: Had to get something engraved.

Jeff: Oh, Lita's probley asleep by now.

Bubba: Yeah.

The two men travelled back up to Jeff's room with the last of the gifts. They came to find Lita watching TV.

Lita: Wow, you back early. It's only 3:40.

Bubba: Dang. Well let's get this stuff wrapped.

Jeff: Right.

Bubba pulled out the bag with all his peaces in it. Then he begin to inspect them.

Lita: WOW! Who you get those for?

Bubba: 3 Moms, Dad, D-Von, and my sister T-Boy.

Jeff: You bought Spike a toy and D-von a watch.

Bubba: Spike's not into Jewelry.

  
The Three wrapped everything and placed them in there boxes. After duck taping them up, Bubba address them and also place a letter to each group telling them what was in the boxes, onto each one. Bubba then placed Spike's and D-Von's gifts to the side and looked at Jeff.

Bubba: Now to the post office.

Jeff: Oh God!

Lita: I'll go! I need to get out.

Jeff: Thank goodness. Lita did you go through my stuff?

Lita: No.

Jeff: Good. I didn't want you to see what I got you.

Lita: You bought me something? Who sweet!

Bubba: Well we got to get a move on. Jeff help load the bag carrier.

So they loaded the carrier and pushed it to the car. After placing the boxes in the car. Lita and Bubba headed to the post office. They got there and ended up standing in line forever and a half. But soon they made it to the counter.

Post office worker (POW): Is this everything you sending sir?

Bubba: yeah.

POW: Ok your total cost will be $846.

Bubba: Here.

POW: Thank you sir, Here's you shipping recite.

Bubba and Lita get back in the car.

Lita: You look tired.

Bubba: I'm going to bed right after I get Spike's and D-Von's gifts.

Lita: Right.

So they return and Jeff is sitting there, looking at recites.

Jeff: Do you have any idea how much you spent today?

Bubba: Enough to make me jump out that window.

Jeff: Twice.

Bubba: Well, I just spent $846 more on shipping that stuff.

Jeff: Well let's see.

Jeff begins to add everything up.

Jeff: First trip to the mall you spent a total of $2630.97.

Lita: Ouch.

Jeff: Second trip you spent $1122. 

Lita: This is gonna hurt.

Jeff: Now add the $846. You spent a total of $4598.97.

Bubba: …..I DID IT!

Lita/Jeff: Huh?

Bubba: I had saved up $5000, because I spend about that much every year. I didn't go over, and I still have money left over.

Lita: That's a smart way to go. Save all your money.

Bubba: Well I'm going to sleep.

Jeff: I know what you mean.

Bubba walked to his room and opened the door. Spike and D-Von looked at him.

D-Von: You look dead my brother.

Spike: How much you spend this year?

Bubba: Under $5000.

D-Von: By who much?

Bubba: Um….about $400. Now quiet I'm going to sleep.

Spike: Ha.


	6. Chapter 6 Finished

What happen to all the gifts?

All the kids ended up braking everything they got in under on day.

All Bubba's outer/inner cousins, Brothers and Sisters enjoyed the gifts. T-Boy Showed Bubba some Family Love'n.

All 20 Other Moms like what Bubba got them.

Aunts and Uncles used there gifts all the time. 

Big Daddy was pleased with his watch.

Bubba's Mother Cried.

All Bubba's friends got what they liked.

And as for Spike, and D-Von….

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Bubba, Spike, and D-Von's house in Eastside, East, Dudleyville.

Spike: Come on Spot leave D-Von alone.

D-Von: It's been 1 hour since that robot dog has shut up with the barking.

Spike: He just doesn't like you.

D-Von: Bubba, why did you get him that Danm thing?

Bubba: Jeff helped me pick it out.

D-Von: Your never going shopping with him again!

Bubba: Ha, Don't worry about that.

Bubba then returned the playing Beethoven's Opus 10 no 3 Piano Sonata No. 7 in D major. On the lovely piano his family bought him.

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Well that's it. Sorry it was boring. R&R if you want.

T-Boy


End file.
